Welcome to the big interlude.
What do you guys think?
I love it.
I like it.
You know what, I like it,
but now I'm hearing big interlude.
I think it's very good.
Well, it is a big interlude.
The big interlude.
Really stress that big interlude.
Big interlude.
I teach a lot of Chinese children,
so that just sounds like big to me.
Well, I mean, we can't please everybody, can we?
This is true. We can try.
We're coming to you off the top today.
There will still be a welcome
to Dumbgeons and Dragons coming up,
but we're coming to you off the top today
because this is the arc finale.
We want to say a big thank you to our Tiamat,
Sean Howard.
Thank you, Sean.
Fantastic.
Thank you, Sean.
Thank you so much, Sean,
once you listen to the episode.
It's a day of delight.
And if you don't already listen
to End of Time and Other Bothers or Alba Salix,
please do because they're both super fantastic shows.
End of Time and Other Bothers
is another actual play.
They use the Dungeon World game set
and they're hilarious.
It's all improv, it's all super fantastic.
And Alba Salix is a full audio drama,
scripted audio drama that he
and his partner Eli put together.
So go visit them, OtherBothers.com and AlbaSalix.com.
I'll link those down in the show notes again this week.
Please go listen to them.
If you're listening to this on the day it comes out,
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Guys, we spend so much time together.
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Now it's the finale.
What's the plan going forward?
We'll try and sum this up quickly
so we can get you to the episode.
If you've already skipped,
well, you're already at the episode.
But if you didn't and you stuck through,
I'll stop rambling.
So going forward,
we're gonna take a little bit of a break.
So we'll be back with regular episodes on June 5th.
I know it's four weeks.
That's only a month.
It's only a month.
And you know what we're gonna do
is we're gonna get together a sort of mailbag episode
where we need your help.
What can they do to help us, somebody?
They can totally write in questions
or comments, reviews,
pretty much just anything
that maybe you'd like to hear us read.
And answer.
And we would love to do that on a mailbag episode
to shorten that gap between when we're here
and when we're not here.
Yeah, if there's any questions
that you've been sitting on this entire time,
send them our way.
We'd love to answer them.
Or if you wanna tell us all of the things
that we forgot to do that we should have done.
That's fine too.
That's totally fine.
It's how we learn.
Well, it's how we hear and then forget.
We're doing our best.
Hey, here's an important thing.
What's the email address for people
to send us those questions and thoughts and comments?
You know what?
Just put it out into the atmosphere and we'll get it.
We'll just pluck it out of the ether.
But we could also just say the email address too.
I mean, we could do that too.
DumbDragonPodcast at gmail.com.
We'd love to get all your questions
that you have throughout the season.
We will not be revealing any spoilers, obviously,
but if we can answer anything about the future,
we will definitely do that.
And any questions that arise during the finale.
And Russ, what's the Twitter handle
in case anyone wants to get a hold of us that way?
At DumbDragonCast on Facebook,
we're DumbDragonPodcast.
You can find us on the Facebook group.
The Reckless Play Guild.
So you can find us in a lot of places.
So many places.
And now we'll stop rambling
and get you to the episode.
Thank you for listening.
We love you all.
And we'll talk to you again very, very soon.
Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
In an instant, you see three glowing golden globes
land at your feet.
They explode.
And an energy washes over top of you
as you regain 70 hit points each
and all of your spell slots
as the earth begins to shake.
And you hear a sickening roar.
And Severin yells, the time is now.
As the snout of the largest dragon you've ever seen
starts to come into the chamber.
Light and fire pour into the temple of Tiamat.
You see the red snout followed by the green
and the black and the white and the blue pour in.
Tiamat is here.
Your world has already ended.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast
and I am your dungeon master, your Russ More.
I forgot my name.
I was very, very flustered for a second there.
With me today is Amy More.
But maybe not for long.
And I play Thea Amastasia.
You can take that however you want
because there's marital repercussions
to what happens in the D&D game.
Also with me, Tom Laird.
Don't worry, Russ.
I got your back.
Thanks, bud.
We're good.
I play Flint Firebeard, but yeah,
from the sounds of it, not for much longer.
And Carla Johnson.
I mean, we knew it was inevitable, guys.
He's been saying it for years.
It's been stated time and time again.
I play a new Laura Moonbrook
for like maybe another 20 minutes or something.
I don't know.
We'll see.
Also with us, a very special guest
who made a dramatic guest appearance
at the end of last episode.
From the End of Time, Another Bothers
and Alba Salix, Sean Howard.
Hey, everyone.
Yay, ba-boo, ba-yay, ba-boo.
It just seems like it's funny here again.
If you want to see that dramatic arrival of Sean,
mostly us just kind of sitting around being like,
when's Sean gonna show up?
Definitely didn't have to wait four minutes.
Well, it's funny,
because my phone switched into sleep mode
where it turned on,
you know, it turned on like,
don't send any notifications.
It was just sitting here waiting.
You can go see that on our Patreon,
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
where we've got the recordings
of all of these episodes up there
for our lovely patrons to see.
Plus an episode gets dedicated to a patron every time.
That was a weird way to say that,
but I said it anyways.
And today's episode is dedicated to Joshua Dixon.
Yay, thanks, Joshua.
Thanks, Josh.
We love that dude.
Wow, what an episode to have dedicated to you.
The one where we die, Josh.
This is an epic episode.
So thank you for your contributions.
The podcast may or may not be over after this.
Well, we'll wait and see.
No, we got new characters.
It's fine.
We're gonna be okay.
If you want to join us on Patreon,
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
That's where you can find it.
Fuck it.
Let's play D&D.
Yeah.
You have been thrown backwards
towards the wall and spires of the Temple of Tiamat.
In front of you,
you see the largest dragon you have ever seen.
The five heads of Tiamat rise out of this portal
in the floor, reaching up out of hell itself,
climbing up and out towards you and the material portal.
Come to me, my children.
The wizards begin to float down and towards Tiamat,
severing eye to eye with Tiamat in the air.
The ones on the ground begin to move forward
in reverence and fear a little bit,
but mostly reverence,
as they begin their trek towards
and at the feet of their queen.
Tiamat slams her tail on the ground and eats five.
Five on the ground as quick as an eye
before they know what's happening,
let out a muffled scream that is quickly silenced
as they go down the gullet of the giant dragon.
There are two remaining and Severin as well.
Severin says, my queen,
why?
Wait, I'm still chewing.
I understand, sacrifices need to be made.
And she eats the other two.
With them out of our way, those red wizards,
we will usher forth the dawn of a new world.
Yes, we will.
Bring me the mask, Severin.
He begins to float down
and removes the five colored dragon mask
and lays it at the feet of Tiamat.
We have collected this for you
to bring power and to bring you into the material plane.
You have done nothing, nothing.
And she eats Severin like one of those cherry tomatoes
in her largest ma, squirting juices across the room.
If he backs up a bit,
she don't want to get any of that on her.
Can I back up a little bit?
You can do whatever you want.
Does anybody else do anything?
I'm just gonna come over here
and just like, you know, protect the clothes.
Protect the clothes.
Anybody else?
Can I cast a spell under my breath?
Like, can I just?
Yeah, absolutely, you can.
Oh, I'd like to do that.
I would like to cast Ice Storm.
Which is a level four spell.
The dragon has to make a dexterity saving throw.
I bet it does.
Don't talk to me.
Talk to the dragon.
Oh, the dragon, you're the dragon.
The red head moves down, down,
down towards this strange elf-like creature
and pauses right in front
as Thea finishes casting her spell
and licks her lips, cocking her head.
Did my spell not work?
The spell leaves your hands
but dissipates almost immediately.
Fuck.
Would you like to try that again, child?
Oh my goodness.
Sorry, I'm just so shocked.
I'll give it, Flint and Ular,
I'll give you one rebuttal here before-
Don't let him eat me!
Can I move?
No, I don't wanna move.
I'm gonna pick between two things,
so I have to like, I'm just gonna roll a d4
to decide for myself.
That was not a d4.
Yeah, good, do that.
Her nostrils flare as she sniffs the scent of this elf.
She probably smells pee.
Because I'm pretty sure it's by myself.
You're like, mmm, urine.
Roll for pee.
Roll for pee!
Can I take my-
Successful.
Can I drink my potion?
Yeah, which potion did you have?
Glass jelly?
The bee's knees, I think you had.
Glass jelly?
I don't know what it does, but I'm about to die,
so I may as well, what am I saving it for?
Right?
Yeah.
Turns me into dragon food.
You uncork this jelly,
you give it a sniff before you take it,
and the ground begins to shake
and it leaves your hands
and crashes down and shatters on your blade,
bringing a glowing aura to it.
As the oil of sharpness now gives your blade
that you were holding plus three to attack and damage.
Nice.
So it was not what you were supposed to drink.
Right.
Well, I guess I didn't drink it.
It's like full circle there, really good though.
Yeah, it was.
I know, as soon as he said, like, it falls,
I was like-
I know, I was ready to, like,
take him out just for Carla.
Like, not again!
All right.
Is that what you're doing?
Okay.
Can I see her do this
and also slowly take a potion out of my satchel?
Yeah, but you can't drink it til your next turn.
Okay.
I mean, yeah, at this rate,
I might as well drink my last fun potion
that I don't know what it does.
All right, what did you get?
The bee's knees.
A black and yellow swirling liquid.
You pop the cork and drink it down quick.
And you feel like you can move super fast.
Your muscles begin to vibrate as you gain haste.
So your speed is doubled for one minute.
You have a plus two to your AC.
Okay.
You have a advantage on dexterity saving throws
and you get one more action per turn.
See, this is what I thought Andres Gojuice
was gonna do when I drank it.
But this is the fucking bee's knees.
It really is the bee's knees.
I want a potion called the cat's pajamas.
Also, you know who needs another action?
It's fucking Flynn.
That's right.
Right?
I never wanted to play anyway.
What does Tiamat do as she sees these peons drinking-
She ignores them.
Just drinking juice.
Just sitting back here like-
A second and a third head approach Thea.
Nostrils flaring.
And what is your name, child?
Oh.
Thea?
Your Highness?
Correct.
You're so much more big and beautiful
than I thought you'd be.
You do not appear to be part of the cult.
Well, I hold up-
Wait for it.
I hold up my Cult of the Dragon amulet,
which I totally fucking have in my treasure.
Oh, good.
You are a dessert.
And with that, she attacks.
No, no!
As Tiamat opens her giant jaws to move towards Thea.
Thea, you get first action.
Oh, fuck.
Thea goes, fuck no!
I wanna drink my fucking potion
because everyone else seems to.
It's hidden talents.
Okay.
This seems empty,
but I'm gonna drink it anyway
because it feels full.
You see the jaws moving towards you.
You quickly pop the cork and down it and you disappear.
I do believe I have true sight.
Oh, you can still see me?
Just checking.
Yep, yep, yep.
Nothing I do for her.
What are you doing on your real action, little elf?
Fuck.
Tiamat, see through your bullshit.
So now your friends can't see you,
but Tiamat can see you.
I think it's nothing, right?
And Flynn and I are like, what the fuck?
Cause she just disappeared.
No guys, I'm still here, so sorry.
Okay, I'm gonna ear a creature from hell.
I'm gonna throw some sun on ya.
I'm gonna cast sunbeam.
So I take out a magnifying glass.
Yes.
It's a novelty size magnifying glass.
The biggest treasure we've ever seen.
Throw a fucking big.
Yeah.
And a beam of brilliant light flashes out
in a five foot wide, 60 foot line.
Tiamat has to make a constitution saving throw.
It's probably low con on Tiamat.
No problem.
Probably.
That's a 15.
Russ?
Doesn't work.
I choose for it to work, Russ.
Oh, fuck yourself.
Okay, you take half my damage,
and you aren't blinded, fine.
You're gonna take half of my 68.
And it's a concentration.
So you got that for up to one minute.
Yes, I do.
29 damage, so half of 29 is, you do the math.
14 radiant damage.
And can I move?
I would advise it.
I want to.
I wanna move.
Tiam moves.
So you basically move just outside the giant jaws
as they snap closed.
Flint, it is your turn.
So that was the red head that was in front of Thea?
Yes.
Okay, I'm gonna run over and attack
that red head of Tiamat.
Oh, hello, little one.
What's up?
Would a 26 hit?
That would hit.
All right.
So that is 26 damage, 10 of which is cold damage.
I have to ask if it's a magical weapon.
From a magical weapon, yes.
26, what did you say about cold?
10 cold.
Yeah, I believe I have immunity to that.
All right, you got three more attacks there, Flint.
Yeah, it's gonna continue onward here.
That's a 28 that time.
Yep.
28 damage on that one, eight of which is cold.
That's perfect.
Do you need me to break it down for you
or do you just want the full number?
He's immune to cold.
It's perfect.
Oh, okay, all right.
Then I'll just stop rolling cold damage then.
That saves me rolling extra dice.
All right, third attack.
That's a 37.
Jesus Christ.
Sorry, 31.
Just gonna say, how did you get it?
Yeah.
Still really impressive.
It was insane.
I narrowly missed a crit.
All right, here we go.
So that's 23 damage
without any cold.
That was a good one.
It's full damage.
And final one.
Ooh, that's not gonna cut it.
Don't worry about it.
Swings go up and they strike into the neck and the face
as Tiamat is almost taunting you.
They hit, the cold disperses
where normally it would absorb into your target.
It seems like it almost falls off.
Tiamat's red head lifts and responds
with a cone of 90 feet of flame
centered right on this little dwarf.
Seems fair.
It's a tip for tat.
So you, whoever's caught in the 90 foot cone, Russ,
is gonna have to make a DC 27 dexterity saving throw.
That's gonna be Flint and new Laura
is gonna probably catch that cone as well.
God, 90 feet, that's huge.
Apologies, Kyle. That's okay.
Deck save.
Deck save, DC 27.
Okay. All right.
I also have advantage on saving throws
against dragon shit.
I'm just, all this stuff is dragon shit.
So that is a 19 and that is a 13.
So 19.
It's a 20 for me, Russ,
but it wasn't a crit or anything.
Sorry everyone, it's 26 D6.
What? Oh my God.
That seems like a few.
That's 76.
Okay.
Fire damage that erupts from Tiamat's maw
and rolls out onto the ground in front of you,
engulfing you both.
Oh my goodness.
Cool.
As that happens, a beam of radiant light
emerges through the cracked open wall
and on a hippogriff in flies Lady Leral Silverhand.
She's like, the fuck are you guys doing?
We did a bad thing.
Maybe you should have showed up a round ago.
I'm cooking my dinner.
From her, she casts magic missile at level nine.
Yes, damn.
Yeah, she does.
I don't get a saving throw on that.
No, that's no save.
That just happened.
So that's 11 D4 plus 11.
And that is 34 magical force damage.
As all of these bolts fly out
and strike into Tiamat's broadside,
she flies in and begins swirling around the perimeter.
Tiamat roars in one of her heads.
The black head dashes out
and basically goes to bite her,
hopefully right off whatever she's flying on.
Yeah, that's probably gonna happen.
Unharming the hippogriff.
But unharming the hippogriff,
because I don't do hippogriffs.
So that is a 22.
You hit her.
So that is a bite.
So that is 14, 19, 20, 22.
You see the black head strike out at her
as she swiftly tries to move around.
She is knocked clean off of the hippogriff
and falls to the ground.
Her skin begins to boil from the acid of this bite.
The hippogriff panics and begins flying quickly
around the roof of this building.
Yulara.
Okay.
I say contigo.
So my animated armor animates,
and that gives me a plus two to my AC.
Then, as a bonus action,
I cast Hunter's Mark,
which will give me an extra D6 damage,
which isn't much,
but I'll take what I can fucking get.
And then I'm, what one's closest?
Red?
Black, red.
You may have whatever head you want, child.
I don't care.
Yeah, whatever head's closest,
which I feel like is the red one.
I am going to attack with Dragon Slayer.
Okay.
The aptly named Dragon Slayer prepared a die to you, Matt,
from this one attack.
Not really.
18.
I'm afraid that's not a hit.
Yeah, of course it's not.
Of course it's not.
But I know that blade.
I'm gonna try again,
because of course I am.
Oh.
Okay.
It's 28.
That's a hit?
Okay.
We'll buckle up, my friends,
because my time has come to shine.
Dragons are the only things that I get lots of damage against.
So.
Yeah, you do.
What's with all those dice?
It's not 26.
Shake those dice.
26 plus 14 is 38?
40.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, 40.
Tiamat hisses and all the heads turn all focused.
You will pay for that.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Well, now.
Okay, I'm gonna like, move, I guess.
I immediately react,
and one of those heads
kisses forward to bite you,
and you are in the face.
Oh, in the face.
In the face.
I mean, that's some pretty dexterous biting
from the size of this head.
It'll be the blue head, 19 to hit, 25.
Fuck.
I mean, obviously that hits.
14.
And then 46 of lightning damage,
unless you're resistant to that.
But I have to subtract 15, so.
Which I'm pretty sure we all are.
Nothing.
Nothing from the lightning damage.
Because you guys got to round two.
So, just 14 damage from the bite, and you are.
Oh, I mean, my face is probably gone, but okay.
Well, Donnie is not gonna take that.
Donnie is not gonna use his breath weapon,
because what the fuck good would that be against a dragon?
None good.
None good damage.
None good?
I guess Donnie, the love of my life,
is gonna just try and bite to get mad.
Yeah, he is.
Is Donnie considered a magical weapon for us?
No.
Oh, goodness.
Oh, God, look at Russ' face.
Okay, so that is a 14, which is obviously not a hit.
Oh, Donnie, I love you so much.
So Donnie flies forward trying to bite
at this gargantuan dragon in front of him.
This multi-story high dragon.
He's like a terrier, man.
He's like, someone, get this thing away from me.
Me?
Another thing. Control your dog.
I know that doesn't hit either, but he had to try.
He would not try.
It is the end of Donnie's turn.
Any rebuttals?
Not for Donnie.
No.
All right.
And then it is the start of Tiamat's turn.
I'm cruel, but I'm not that cruel.
We just don't need worshippers.
But he probably would, like, it's a, he, she,
like, it is a cute, like, little dragon.
It's a baby dragon.
Just, like, show him away.
It is the time of dragons, after all.
Oh, yeah, maybe we just call it a day
on this dragon bullshit, then,
and go be better than this.
I will eat you all.
Okay, good, good.
Guys, she's gonna go eat us all.
Just thought you should know.
Gonna go park the car.
Tiamat, you're up.
I'm afraid Tiamat is very focused on a certain Nulara,
and Tiamat charges forward with two claw attacks
and her tail spinning around to spear Nulara
through her center.
I will roll all three.
I'm gonna die, you guys.
Just so you know, I'm about to die.
That is a 23 to hit.
Mm-hmm, that'll do it.
That is a 43.
43?
Oh, what?
And a 24.
I mean, obviously, those all hit, yeah.
Oh, okay.
So that's 15 from the first claw,
nine from the second claw,
and six from the tail.
So just a cool 30.
Don't worry about it.
I'm so close to dying, you guys.
You should already be dead.
What is it with you?
Severn was nothing.
I see a yell from behind.
Severn was a pussy.
I actually agree.
Two of the heads turn around.
Tiamat's heads turn to face you, Thea,
as it is your turn.
Hey, it's me.
Hey, guys, it's me, Thea.
Remember me from last round?
You have two dragon heads that come swooping around
and are back in front of you.
Okay.
So sorry.
None of my spells will work
unless it is level seven.
Not even my cantrips.
Who knows what level those are.
Levels, you need to be level seven or higher.
Okay.
Guys, it's not gonna go well for us.
Guys, I am not a high enough spell caster.
Okay, well, I've gotta keep,
I'm gonna create a new line of radiance.
We'll all just wait for you to figure out
what you wanna do, little elf.
I'm gonna create a new line of radiance.
So I blast again with my magnifying glass
a beam of sunlight.
Do you save on your constitution saving?
Uh, yeah, I'm afraid I save.
Yeah, pretty sure you do.
Okay, so 10 radiant damage.
You see some of the scales bubble on her?
Good, yeah.
Bubble baby.
Okay, I'm done.
I'm gonna move though.
Oh yes, run elf, run.
I am.
You begin to run away from Tiamat
as the open maw of the dragon queen follows behind you.
Guacamole is also going to fly her 60 feet.
All right, Guacamole who you might not have noticed,
you probably noticed,
but just didn't really pay attention.
A giant snowy owl swoops
into your peripheral there, Tiamat.
We have room for owls in our new dragon world.
But no elves or dwarves or humans.
Tiamat's green head turns to follow the elf
as the other heads turn towards the dwarf.
And the green head emits a cone of poison 90 feet
trying to catch the elf.
For us, you can decide if it catches her or not.
The poison cloud will catch you.
Well, that kills the elf.
I will focus on the other two.
A giant green cloud fills the room
blocking the light around where Thea is uncertain.
If she has killed the elf,
she turns back to focus towards Flint and Nulara.
Uh, okay.
So there's several heads that are currently looking at me?
Yes.
Okay.
Well, let's just start attacking them.
Are you still immune to cold, Tiamat?
Is that still a thing that's happening?
I believe it is.
Okay.
All right.
First of four attacks.
That is a 30.
That is a hit.
Perfect.
I get to reroll that damage
because it was a one.
So that is 21 points of damage.
4,000 more to go.
Second attack.
That is a 27.
That is a hit.
Followed up by 17 points of damage.
Third attack.
I don't think this one's gonna cut it.
21?
She catches your sword in her mouth
and spits it aside.
Sure, sure, sure.
Makes sense, makes sense, makes sense.
Uh, fourth attack.
Critical 20.
With what weapon?
He spit your sword aside.
What?
When did that happen?
He just said it.
He said, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Oh, sorry.
I did not hear that.
No, it wasn't actually cool.
Uh, yeah, that doesn't sound cool.
Um, I guess I'll grab a secondary weapon
like I still got my battle axe.
Tiamat grabs your sword and spits it to the side,
grinning back at you
as you swiftly grab your axe
and come down with this crit.
Let's do that then.
All right.
24 damage on that one.
And Russ, I'm gonna bonus action a second wind
and recoup some HP.
Do it.
Uh, so that is an extra 23 hit points.
Well, this lovely dwarf is healing himself.
Tiamat brings her black head down
right in front of him, lines it up
and emits 120 foot line of 10 feet wide acid.
You engulf Flint,
but that would be the only one that you hit.
Okay.
Uh, unless you are also immune, Flint.
I am not.
I'm going to do a DC 27 dex saving throw.
Man, see, like,
I think it's gotta be a crit or I fail it.
Like, nope.
Actually, you know what?
I'm gonna indomitable this
and reroll a failed save
because I mean, why not?
Crit fail.
So that's a good reroll followed by a nine.
So, nope.
Okay, sorry.
15 D8 minus 15.
That's 48 acid.
A revolting and vile smelling acid comes pouring out
of the nostrils and mouth of this dragon engulfing you.
Your skin boils and burns as it engulfs you entirely.
And you are standing in a pile of acid.
Tiamat's eyes widen when Flint is still standing.
What do I have to do to kill you?
Try harder, I guess.
As Lady Laryl Silverhand stands up off the ground.
All right, you're still here.
I'm still here.
I make, I have regrets.
Yeah, well, don't we all join the regret club?
She stands up and you see her eyes glow
and she says, stop and Tiamat and the air freeze in place.
And she says, we don't have a lot of time.
What can we do?
Oh God, well, we can chop her up right now.
We have exactly six seconds.
Well, fuck, do you have any potions
you can give my friends over here?
Yeah, just like, what's the game plan here?
Do you have any dragon slaying arrows?
Do you like, like?
Can you signal everyone outside?
She calls the hippogriff down and it lands beside her
and she says, move fast and bring many.
And it flies out and leaves.
Nularaaaa, you get a turn before this spell.
Dope.
So Tiamat is frozen in place until your turn is over.
So can I just, I just can do damage?
You can just do damage.
Fucking sweet.
Still has, still has resistances and stuff,
but yeah, and immunities.
41 damage on the first.
Damn.
A scratch.
Hey, you're frozen.
Quiet, you.
You hear thoughts of Tiamat.
Oh God, she can get in our heads?
No.
31 on the second.
And since Donnie goes on my turn, he's gonna go bite her.
Cause he can.
Donnie, Donnie.
23 piercing damage.
I don't believe his bite is magical.
Donnie goes up to the face of one of the dragon heads
and starts scratching at the eye of the red dragon.
As Tiamat unfreezes on your turn.
Immediately Tiamat casts frightful presence
on what is the lady's name?
Lady Leral Silverhand.
And on Nularaaaa.
It's a DC 26 wisdom saving.
Yes.
Oh my God, these saves are insane.
Oh, sorry.
Okay.
But like I believe in you, Karla.
Well, I have advantage on saving throws,
but let me just.
What happens when you have double advantage?
Do I get to roll four times?
Still just advantage.
Oh, double secret.
Hunter's Mark also has advantage.
Lady Leral fails.
I mean, obviously.
She is frightened.
What was it?
Wisdom?
Yep.
And there's literally no way I can not fail this,
but 15.
Tiamat looks down to you, Nularaaaa.
And to Lady Silverhand.
And all five heads let out the most enormous roar yet.
The walls shake and you feel the need to run.
And then Tiamat basically pounces.
On Flint Firebeard, claw, claw,
and trying to tail him right through his wall.
Trying to rip you a new one.
So that's a 36 to hit.
Barely.
It's a 34 to hit and a 28 to hit.
Yeah, those all hit.
Russ, I should have got some better armor for this fight.
I gave you a lot of downtime before this, guys.
I'm just saying.
You know we don't use downtime well.
We just go get drunk, I'm like.
Now all of Tiamat's attacks
are considered magical, correct?
Yes.
Okay.
29 down.
Two huge crushing blows come down on top of you
and you feel your skin rip
as Tiamat's tail knocks you hard into the ground.
And Tiamat stands up like,
well, that should do it.
I just kind of dust myself off.
Thea.
Yeah?
The cloud of poisonous gas is dissipating around you.
I go.
And I look her straight in her eyes.
Um.
How long have we been fighting for?
This is round one, two, three.
So like 18 seconds?
Fuck.
Can I hold a concentration spell
while also casting like an abjuration spell?
No.
No, or a conjuration spell?
It's also concentration.
Fuck up.
I'm fucked, I'm fucked.
You know that's trouble when fuck has two syllables.
That's not a good sign.
Well, you know, I'm like, okay,
there's one thing I can do
that can create damage to this creature,
like the one of my spells,
but that stops me from casting any of my other spells.
Yeah, but if you can guarantee some damage,
I think that's better than not guaranteeing damage.
Yep, that's true.
All right, I had cool things, but.
It's just, you know,
we're probably gonna fight for more than a minute.
I'm going to shine my super cool sleuth tool in your face
for a brilliant beam of sunlight,
and you need to make your constitution saving throw.
I pass.
I thought you might.
So you can take half of my 68 radiant damage.
35.
I'm gonna say take that asshole
and I'm going to move.
How well do you think I could throw something
for Guacamole to catch?
I mean, Guacamole still has 60 feet of movement.
Can she just come to me
and I can just give her something?
Sure.
I'm gonna hand her my ring of spell storing,
and I'm gonna whisper, take this to Nulara.
Anyone can cast a spells on the ring of spell storing.
It's true.
Does Nulara know what's in the ring of spell storing?
Cause sometimes you don't.
I will shout them to her.
Okay.
You give Guacamole,
so her full movement is getting to you.
So she is now at you.
So she has to still wait probably three turns
to get to her.
No, 30 feet gets her to me
and then she can move back to where she is.
Okay.
She still has to fly over.
Oh little elf, let's see how well you breathe lightning.
Not at all.
And Tiamat responds to the attack
with a 120 foot line, 10 feet wide lightning strike
aimed at Thea.
Fuck.
10 feet wide.
That's real wide.
That is a DC 27 dexterity saving throw.
Why didn't we all become monks?
That would have been really smart.
Great question.
Okay.
So dexterous.
Well, I'm sorry,
Tom, it's like you're a monk.
You get seven attacks.
That's true.
I mean, I get a lot of attacks.
Was this an attack or was it instantaneous?
It's a saving throw.
So you have to make a saving throw.
I guess my cloak means nothing.
No.
That True Sight thing probably trumps your cloak anyway.
It does.
Fucking True Sight.
Oh God damn it.
Fucking dragons and their fucking amazingness.
Can I be a dragon next time?
Cause like they're rad as hell.
Yeah.
But do we have the option of playing as a dragon?
You can all be dragons in my new world.
Well, I have plus one to my saving throw.
That'll help.
You gotta make a 27.
That'll totally make a 27.
I can't even get a 27.
No, you can't.
You fail.
It was a 17.
I was only 10 off.
So I believe the white head lightning.
I was like, no, it's cold.
Blue head lightning is a 16 D10.
Oh my God.
Oh my gosh.
I got 99.
I would also like to say
this is the first time I've taken damage
and it's almost murdered me.
Out of this blue dragon's mouth,
a burning hot lightning
rains down upon you.
Bolts coming to and from,
and your skin begins to burn.
Welts and boils begin to appear.
Your cloak, holes get torn through it.
You fall to your knees.
Oh God.
You look up and you see the smiling face
of this blue dragon in front of you.
It is Flint's turn.
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
All right.
I would like to drink one of these
like life essence potions that we got
that you didn't tell us what they actually did,
but I'm gonna roll the dice on this one.
So you pop the lid of life essence
and you regain 10 D4 plus 20 hit points.
Hit points.
Okay.
So that is 27 plus 20, so 47 hit points of damage.
Points of health?
Yes.
Reverses damage.
You weren't giving something to yourself.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
That's it, I'm done.
Peace.
See you guys later.
It was fun.
See you in the afterlife.
Sure.
I guess no better time like the present
to just keep hacking away.
Let's go little man.
Let's do this.
All right.
First one is a 29.
It's to hit, yes.
19 points of damage.
Second one is a 31.
It's a hit.
12 points of damage.
Bad roll.
We're doing it.
Um, third one is a 27.
I can't remember if that hits or not.
That's a hit.
Okay.
It's 15 points of damage.
And fourth and final is a 29 again.
That's a hit.
Re-roll that damage.
So that is 21 points of damage.
Yeah.
Okay, pieces of her scales are starting to fall off.
She's dripping ichor.
And she brings her red head right over Flint
and releases a 90 foot cone of roaring flame.
It just holds it over him.
Trying to roast the little thing alive.
I mean, that seems fair.
So that is a DC 27, text 36.
I mean, I'll try again.
Ooh, this is 17 on the base roll.
That's not bad.
Hey, another 17.
Consistency is key.
Right over top.
Yeah, Nularaaaia, you're gonna be in that splash zone.
Cool.
Great, I love it.
Thanks so much.
I mean, could I have moved
maybe 10 feet to one direction?
Maybe less than that.
So Russ, do you want to roll 16 D8 for me?
No, sorry, that's wrong.
It's 26 D6 for fire.
Oh, I guess I get to try to save though.
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can do this.
Not that time, only a 24.
And that one's worth a shot though.
Worth a shot.
Tiamat opens her mouth and a blanket of fire
pours down on Flint and catches Nularaaaia
and 94 fire damage is dealt.
Cool, cool, cool, cool.
And Nularaaaia falls to the ground, unconscious.
Oh God.
Finally, one of you falls to my might.
Hey question, how dead do I have to be
to be really dead?
Half?
Half.
I'm really dead.
No.
Like actually dead?
I'm really actually dead.
I totally started crying.
Oh, Karla.
Oh my goodness.
I kind of knew it was gonna happen
but I didn't think I'd like be so upset.
The flames pour out on top of Flint.
He has no hair left.
His skin and armor is beginning to melt together.
The flames roll out and strike Nularaaaia
and she lets out a scream.
Her clothes light on fire.
She falls to her knees
and she in a charred mess falls to the ground.
I hate this game again.
Lady Leral Silverhand's turn is up
and she sees this from across the way
but she's frightened of everything
that's happening right now.
It's fair.
And she turns and runs.
She doesn't know where she's running to
but she is running away from Tiamat now.
She gets to save, try to save again.
DC 26 was a great save.
DC 26 wisdom.
That's a 23, yeah.
She continues to run away.
It is or was Nularaaaia's turn.
Donnie watches as the flames roll out
and hit Nularaaaia.
His best friend.
And he turns and eyes up
the enormous dragon queen.
Not thinking about what damage he will cause
but only seeking vengeance.
Okay, well, then that's what Donnie's gonna try and do.
He's gonna fly up
and try and bite one of the moving heads.
Like he's being irrational.
That is a 25, just enough.
Don't think.
That's a hit.
Oh, Donnie.
Okay.
So that is 10 damage, 10 piercing damage.
He's gonna try again and he is going to fail.
He got that 10 damage though.
Yeah, he did.
And then I think he just like flies back down
and just like kind of collapses.
Lays beside Nularaaaia's body.
It's Tiamat's turn.
Tiamat snarls and goes to bite Flint to swallow him.
You will join me in my lair.
That's a 30 to hit.
Yep.
This bite, are you going to just gulp and swallow
or are you going to chew?
She's going to bite him.
Okay.
Let's make sure he's dead first.
Nine.
Oh my God.
10, 11, 12 minus five, negative three.
You get three health points.
Three, a healing bite.
So that doesn't do anything.
Wait a minute, 46.
I wrote really bad.
46 minus 50, that's even harder.
I literally do zero damage.
She caresses Flint with her tongue,
letting him know what's coming.
Thea, you are on your knees, burnt.
You look up and you see Nularaaaia fall.
She from what you can see is clearly dead.
Flint gets licked in the face.
I'm going to save this one for later.
What do you do?
Thea is super fucking confused.
I take out my life essence and I drink it.
Okay.
That's right.
I'm not going to die yet.
Sorry, do I have to be completely silent now?
Cause I'm dead.
No, you do not.
10d4 plus 20.
You gain back 48.
That's pretty good.
That's better than I got last time.
There's a lot of fours in there.
Yeah, okay.
Only a couple ones.
Yeah.
Make it big.
I'm going to run.
No, no, no, I'm not just going to run.
Why didn't we think of that from the get go?
Sorry, I'm going to run.
All the way to silvery moon.
I'm running towards the fucking dragon.
Okay.
And as I run and I hit my last step,
I open up my tome of thunder step.
I say, funda funda malo amat mac uro.
And I transport myself over to where Flint is.
And Tiamat, she will take 3d10 thunder damage
or half that con saving throw.
22, does that say 22?
Yes, it does.
So you'll take half of my 3d10.
So that's 10 damage, 10 thunder damage.
Thunder booms out 300 feet away.
So you take five.
So not much, but now I am,
I'm putting myself by Nulara, like right there.
Any rebuttal?
Yep, where is she?
Yeah, good luck finding me.
She is beside Nulara's charred remains.
Oh, the one who thinks she's invisible.
Her white head tracks the invisible Thea
and releases a 90 foot cone of cold
over in her direction.
This is the start of a new round, right?
Yes, sir.
I had a reaction.
Well, you can say something if you want to.
That is a DC 27 dex save.
Go fuck yourself, that's what I say.
DC 27 dex.
Well, an 18 plus two is 20.
I mean, it's a very good roll.
It's a great roll.
It's a good roll.
It's 16d6, Russ.
It's just not good enough.
16d6?
No, d8, sorry, 16d8 cold damage.
Well, just when you give them hope.
Yeah, that would have been no problem.
Yeah, because the 16d6 was full of hope.
Could be a lot of ones.
Please be a lot of ones.
That applies to any dice roll, Russ.
67, as a blizzard enters the room,
your skin, which just healed, is now freezing.
You feel it in your extremities,
cut down to your bones as your flesh begins to freeze.
You are next, little one.
Flint.
Well, is there any sort of like crazy dwarven
almost dead rage that I can channel?
I mean, you probably still have one of those
other good healing potions.
I mean, I would have thought
we would have split them three ways,
but if Amy already had one, maybe I did.
No, not that one, just the other one.
Yeah, we also got three rare healing potions.
Oh yeah, the other one.
Sorry, I'm deadish.
This is me from beyond the grave.
Whisper.
Take your potion.
Yeah, I still do have an uncommon healing potion.
WWND, what would Nulara do?
And probably a rare.
Or I've got an uncommon and a rare.
Oh yeah, rare is much better.
Okay, well yeah, I'm gonna drink
this rare healing potion.
Okay.
Pray for the gods a lot of fours show up.
Well, that's a couple threes.
I'm on board with that.
So 29 hit points coming back at me.
I mean, I could survive one more round, who knows?
Yeah, yeah, you can.
Okay, I'm gonna do my four attacks.
It's all I've got left at this point.
So that's 34, I think that's gonna be okay.
I believe that's a hit.
15 damage on the first one.
That is a 29, that's a hit.
It's 19 hit points of damage.
Yes.
This one is another 31.
That's a hit.
That is 17 hit points of damage.
Fourth attack is a 28.
And that is 19 hit points of damage.
And you know what?
Just for shits and giggles,
we're gonna action search
and throw one more attack at that.
Do it.
Might as well use it before the inevitable happens.
So that is a 30.
That's a hit.
21 hit points of damage.
She brings her red head right over Flint,
the flame starting to boil out and goes,
it was good, well it's it.
And she screams as her whole body
begins to cave in on itself.
She's screaming, the head spiraling around
and she's trying to launch her fire attack
and it just engulfs her in a roar of flame
as she's sucked back into the portal.
What? What?
What?
The lights and the fire and the heat
in an instant after your barrage of assault extinguishes.
You're left in a silent room.
You and Thea and Lady Laryl Silverhand
look upon the rubble and the wreckage.
And you hear the fading sounds of battle
coming from outside the temple of Tiamat.
Text on screen.
The view pans down to Nulara, curled up,
and it flashes to an untouched blade.
The eyes glow a deep, dark red.
And then suddenly, before anyone sees, they go out.
She said, oh good, you are dessert, and with that, she attacks.
God, I thought she was just gonna eat me.
I was like, is she dressed to eat me?
God, that's how it goes, hey, I mean.
Real baller move.
I know, right?
Queen, queen, I guess.
I'd be like, I'm gonna go watch TV.
Everybody roll for initiative.
For fuck's sake.
Oh, that's a 19.
Fucking teen.
19.
Sorry, I'm screaming at you, I don't care.
It's the last episode, I don't care.
I get it.
Eight.
Wait, plus, I don't even know what.
Hold on, give me a sec.
Plus 27.
Yeah, it's probably 35.
I only.
No, look at that.
I don't get a dex bonus.
No.
It's an eight.
Good to know.
Only 13 for me.
17 for me, Russ.
Weird.
Oh my God, yes.
It is my time.
Not that any of my spells fucking work.
I'm the most useless person in this room right now.
Well, I'm gonna cast a fucking level seven spell.
Thea goes, fuck no.
And casts.
I'm gonna say, wait.
Oh.
Because you can cast anything at a level seven.
Oh, I can?
I'm just saying.
That's the only help you're gonna get.
Thanks, thanks man.
Aside from putting the oil thing on the blade.
Yeah.
All right.
Everybody gets one help during this.
That's yours.
You got the oil thing.
All right.
So you've got one.
Okay.
So I take out a magnifying glass.
It's a novelty sized magnifying glass.
The biggest tray that we've ever seen.
She's like, it's real fucking big.
Yeah.
Was that 10 additional cold or 10 of the 26 was cold?
10 of the 26 is cold.
Thank you.
Okay.
I have a lot of things to track over here.
That's what you're saying.
Go ahead.
You're fine.
I could barely do the math
for what I should, my attack should be.
So I'm not one to judge.
And she does something fantastic.
Hopefully.
Yeah.
Among ladies, Lero Silverhand.
Yeah.
I mean, I have advantage on deck saves,
but I don't think I could roll a 27, even if I crit.
So yeah.
Well, if I had a rolled a 19 or a 20,
I would have saved it, but that's it.
That's the only, so.
Well, yeah.
But I mean, last time poofs, poof.
Well, that's because they were targeted.
My watch just said, take a pill.
It's good advice for right now.
Time to breathe, Siri says.
I wish I had more beer.
My face is so red.
I know, me too.
I'm like, I'm sweating so much.
I know, I should have worn a t-shirt.
I'm really regretting it.
I have a good choice to die.
I can't secretly text you
if you have your notifications on.
I'm like, sorry.
I actually, I just thought he was getting
a random text and then I looked at Russ
and I can totally see him holding his phone.
Like, come on to you.
Come on to you Rushmore.
Flint, unless, unless there's any rebuttal, Flint.
There is no rebuttal.
Oh wait, this is a new turn.
This is a new turn.
Well, in that case, allow me to rebut.
Fuck.
Well, it would.
But I'm poison resistant.
If you're.
That doesn't mean you're immune.
It's a DC 27 con see.
Wait, no, hold on.
But I think she takes half, right?
Wait for it.
I'm pretty sure you're immune.
Flint's resistant.
My soft human flesh is not resistant.
Immunity.
Well, that will take care of the elf.
Which one?
Immunity.
Well, that takes.
Immune to poison.
That's not gonna help, sorry guys.
Oh, okay.
It's okay.
That's what this episode is gonna be called.
That's not gonna help.
Sorry guys.
I feel like I'm looking at my entire spell list going,
well, that's not gonna help.
Yeah, totally.
Sorry guys.
I am going to.
Can you scroll up just for a second?
You're good, keep going.
Not at all.
I don't think that's a good sign, Amy.
Russ and Sean both have these like,
shmarm-y little grins on their faces.
Don't be giving him secret information
about my spell sheet.
He's trying to help you against my better judgment.
Sean, don't help me, it's okay.
It might be the day.
You will join me in my lair.
That came out more sexual than I thought.
Yeah, a little booty call from Tiamat.
I bet all her stuff is covered
with like this anti-slip coating.
Totally.
How does that even happen?
You ain't putting kid gloves on over there, Sean, are you?
I'm not.
Don't put Tiamat, man.
You might make us all cry.
I don't think the dice would have landed on me
if he was putting kid gloves on.
I literally rolled a 12 on the 40, 10,
and I just rolled, I can take a picture if you want,
three, four, five, six, seven, eight on the 46.
All right.
And I have to subtract 15 from each, don't I?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm assuming my concentration has been broken.
There's no way you could have made that concentration safe.
I mean, that's a lot of damage
to keep concentrations reduced.
You just-
There is a roll you can make to see if she holds it.
Yeah, it's half damage though,
and she took like 90, yeah,
so it would have been like a 47 save DC.
Yeah, good luck finding me.
She is beside Nularaaa's charred remains.
Fuck, too soon.
When you put it like that.
God.
Yeah, it's really soon.
It was like 12 seconds ago.
I came over literally to be like my fallen friend.
Ah, the charred remains of my fallen friend.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.